As a successful but unfulfilled Company Director of a National Company, my income was in the top 1% of Female earners in the UK during the 90’s but I had massively low self-esteem and was pretty miserable.
Growing up I was unhappy in my own skin, my Mum was very unhealthy and she experienced chronic anxiety and depression that was diagnosed as genetic and taken as a given that I would inherit too. Whilst often big hearted, generous and loving, Dad was also misogynistic, would rage, bully and humiliate me on a regular basis.
I was sent to a Boarding School at age 11 which exacerbated the belief that I was the primary cause of my Parents constant arguments and the loneliness, worthlessness and isolation intensified. Bullying was rife at School, there was no safe space and the profound trauma, emotional pain & unhealthy beliefs became even more deep rooted.
I withdrew and developed a speech impediment, would stammer, stutter and blush or even cry when talking even in small groups of friends or family and public speaking was an absolute impossibility.
Mum was diagnosed with Cancer which metastasised and subsequently, sadly died when I was 7 & 1/2 months pregnant with my first child which propelled me into a quest of personal growth, development and self discovery, asking some really deep questions, looking for the meaning of life, I knew there just HAD to be more than I had experienced until now. This led me to meeting Brandon Bays and also going back to University as an Adult student.
The first time I was in Brandon’s presence I was in awe of her energy and grace and when I had the opportunity to first speak to her, I completely blew it, clammed up and ran away. BUT, fortunately she saw something in me and gave me a second chance.
When she invited me to present Journeywork so that it could reach more people it was a massive stretch to overcome my terror of speaking in public and many processes later and a testimony to the efficacy of this work, I did it and actually really delighted in it, experienced deep fulfilment and thoroughly enjoyed teaching and helping people.
I’ve found the answers to my deep seated questions, cleared huge traumas, memories and am depression free. I’ve wholeheartedly forgiven Mum and Dad, realising they really were doing the best they could, under immense pressure and generational conditioning.
Having also forgiven myself, I now benefit from healthy self worth, revel in flourishing and wholesome relationships with those I love deeply and a Career I absolutely adore.
One of the most profound and deep realisations has been that I am already whole, that nothing outside of me can fill or complete me, I am whole and there’s exuberance, huge gratitude and a deep resting in this.